he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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