Do vagina's smell?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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