Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
