idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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