At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
