i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
