It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
