I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
