Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
vagina is talking i cant
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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