I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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