Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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