I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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