Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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