Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
