....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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