It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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