who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
