my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
