Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize