I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
