I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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