i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
