just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
