Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
