I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
