woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
