i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
