im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
