everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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