i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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