How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
