i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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