I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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