if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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