Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
