Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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