it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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