Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
