please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
