I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
