Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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