I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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