do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
