Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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