oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
