so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
