I want to stick my p in your. b.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
