so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
