Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
