Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
