what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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