Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
