I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
