Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
