I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
