and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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