I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Your penis caused this!
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