the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
pray to the hookup gods
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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