Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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