just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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