Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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