I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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