Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry about my life...
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