I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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