dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
