Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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