I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
