3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize