oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
