When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
