I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I understand Curling. That high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
