I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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