oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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