ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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