Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
