rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
